The Wall of Illusion and the Conflict

Questioner: First I was finding falling into my Self very, very easily and the last eight days or so I’m feeling like there is a wall and I’m not able to get past that. It’s pretty strong and there’s been kind of a bit of a conflict within me.

Rajee: I think there are two ways to approach it: one is the way of the doer, the seeker, which is Explore this wall that you feel inside you. Explore means not try to destroy it but try to exactly figure out and feel and see what exactly it is, how exactly it feels. But what is happening mostly is, there is no wall. And still we feel there is a wall, so now that which does not exist inside us. But the experience is very strong and realistic, we must bring our light to that and see the illusoriness of it and that’s how you will become free from it. Until then you will be not really serving your desire to be free from this wall, but you will be actually serving the belief that there is a wall. This is the seeker’s way.

The other way I call Satsang, Come to Satsang, and connect with Satsang, when you are feeling this wall, if you have the opportunity, listen to the recordings. The more you connect to the recording or to the Satsang, the more you start falling in your own silence which is already beyond this wall. So you don’t have to cross this wall ever anyway, now this wall can be there and you are still behind it already and you have reached home, because any effort we need to reach home inside our Self, we are in some way more or less supporting the belief that there is something in between you and the home.

(Excerpts from Focus Group Meeting, Pune)

What is the focus area here?

If everything is allowed to be the way it is, what objection do you have about your thought movements? Why don’t you focus on the silence of your being? And rejoice and be happy? What do you want? To be happy or to kill your desires, your thoughts, and feeling movement? What do you want really? Like what is the focus area here? That you want to be peaceful, or you want to be free from thought movement? If you say ‘I want to be free from thought movement’, I will ask you ‘Why? Why?’ Because you want to be peaceful, but you can be peaceful without changing anything about thoughts or any movement inside you.
So this is an invitation in Satsang and this is a possibility in Satsang to connect with that silence which is always present inside you and does not demand any change in the body or mind state in any form, in any way.

Feel your Self in the body

Your body is sitting where you are sitting right now. Your mind movement or other activity is happening inside this body. And where are you? Are you sitting in this body or are you sitting as this body? If you are sitting as this body it is alright. Just feel, how does it feel to sit as this body? If you are sitting in this body, explore yourself, who is sitting in this body. Feel your Self.

Connect to this Silence, Right Now

There is a natural silence here, acknowledge and feel this more right now, there is a natural silence here, there is a sort of a peacefulness here right now. Enjoy, enjoy this more, you can solve problems later, and if you can connect with this more, you will have to solve less and less problems. Only you need to rest and rejoice in your own being which is possible by connecting to this silence of this moment – This-ness.

This silence is not really separate from you, it is not something that you are visiting. Actually this is your own nature. This is your Self. (Rajee smiles).
So whatever way you want to connect to this silence, connect. Whether you explore it, feel it, see it, see into it, but do something with it, don’t stay alone or separate from it. Come in contact with it right now. It is an opportunity to fall out of your ego state into your natural True state. Don’t try to do anything specific, just do what is naturally possible for you to do with this silence. This silence is here, and you are here, this is more than enough, that you acknowledge that the silence is here. If you feel like drowning in this silence, it’s perfect, it’s beautiful. So just whatever you feel, do with this silence but only with this silence right now, with nothing else inside you. Everything else is here but not being given any value right now. You’re not rejecting anything, you’re not removing anything from inside.

Who is maintaining this silence? Whose silence is this? And where exactly is this silence? Is it inside or it is outside? Or maybe is it beyond both maybe? Don’t try to figure out. I’m just speaking so to bring your attention to it, not so that you can understand. So don’t try to understand. Live it and feel it right now.

(Excerpts from Focus Group Meeting, 13th August, 2018, Pune)

See clearly what do you want

I’m just helping you see exactly clearly what do you want, and that’s more than enough for this inner flower to start opening up by itself. Nobody has to do anything about it, except stop wasting time, or stop entertaining non-essential or what is resisting to it. What is resisting to it seems to be like our superficial mind desires, which are mind-body desires, basically which are more like fantasies and imaginations than actual, based on actuality of life.

Possibility of Discovering the Silence of the Being

Generally we are trying to reduce the noise of the mind to feel peaceful, and then it becomes like a continuous compromise, negotiation, struggle, adjustment, arrangement and effort basically, like without effort it’s not going to happen. Whereas in the Satsang, there is a possibility of discovering the silence of the being, silence of Your being, which I found to be so loud actually, that you cannot hear any noise of the mind actually. It’s just that you have to focus on the right thing. We are focusing on the mind noise and trying to reduce it, and the invitation in Satsang is to focus on the silence of the being which was shared like this today, and the more and more you focus on this, the more and more you will feel and live the silence of the being and effectively you don’t feel the noise of the mind. Meaning not that mind functioning will disappear or thoughts and movement of thoughts will not be there, but effectively it doesn’t matter to you, meaning it is not relevant anymore whether there are thoughts or feeling or movement of anything inside you or not.

(Excerpts from Focus Group Meeting, 13th August, 2018, Pune)